Alex Jones Tells Court Why He Can’t Remember Facts About His Kids: ‘I Had A Big Bowl Of Chili For Lunch’

Austin-based conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is currently fighting to retain custody over his three children, which would normally be a good time to demonstrate fatherly dedication. Alas, in a recorded deposition, Jones claimed that his memory failed with regard to basic facts about his kids, and he offered an odd excuse why. According to Bobby Newman, attorney for Jones’s ex-wife Kelly Jones, the InfoWars host claimed he forgot details about his children’s lives because he “had a big bowl of chili for lunch.”

The divorced couple’s custody trial began Tuesday morning. Jones’s attorney David Minton presented the belligerent radio host as a mix of “humor, bombasity, sarcasm, wit,” for whom he plans to “pull back the curtain.” After describing Jones’s on-air antics as performance art in a pretrial hearing, the senile thumb’s legal team reaffirmed their claim that InfoWars clips are irrelevant to Jones’s qualities as a father. Anticipating arguments that exposure to the show’s unhinged bigotry might encroach on a healthy family environment, Minton said Jones would never feed his children such drivel — just the rest of us.

Kelly Jones’s attorney refuted the distinction between Jones the “character” and Jones the real person. Newman pointed out that Jones brought his children onto InfoWars after they received death threats, and that Jones’s son has started repeating his father’s extreme views to Kelly. Newman also introduced in his opening statement Jones’s new girlfriend, a private masseuse known for “sexy nude” advertisements, and claimed Jones leaves most of his parenting duties to two nannies. Makes sense. Parenting takes time, which is difficult to find when you’re addicted to hatred and beans.

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